


Blue

by Fogfire



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 12:00:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16449542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fogfire/pseuds/Fogfire
Summary: please listen to colours by halsey while reading. the lyrics might not fit, but the rhythm is what i had in mind while writing





	Blue

Blue is what reminds you of him.

No, blue is the thought that stays with you, whatever you do, wherever you go, as if it’s the background music of your life happening.

It’s the blue sky stretching out over your head when you’re a child, making snow angels on the ground even in the summer.

It’s the sea you learn to swim in and the first bathing suit you are allowed to choose for yourself.

Blue is the color of candy you get when you have to see the doctor and the color of your school backpack.

Blue is childhood, growing up, remainders of innocent happiness.

-

Blue is your Starfleet uniform. You long for the color through the years you have to dress in the stark red cadet uniforms.

Blue is the drink in your hand when you meet him for the first time, in a small bar not too far from the academy.

“James T. Kirk,” he tells you, “But you can call me Jim.”

Blue are his eyes.

“Blue are the people here that walk around,” you tell him after three drinks, “Blue like my Corvette, it’s in and outside…”

You take another sip, your head is spinning and you’re afraid you will lose yourself in his eyes if you don’t take precautions.

“That’s a really old song,” you tell him before he thinks you’re weird. Not that you could blame him.

“Tell me more.”

-

“Blue are the words I say and what I think,” you read from the Post-it note you’ve written the night before after a drink too many, “Blue are the feelings that live inside me…”

You stare down at your own handwriting, at the little post-it note that reminds you so much of the small town you’ve grown up in, where the time seems to have stopped over hundred years ago.

You try not to think of the evening before. Of being asked out by another man that isn’t the one you love. Of saying no when logic tells you to say yes. 

“Don’t be so pathetic,” you tell yourself with a bitter taste in your mouth, “Your Lieutenant Y/N, Science Division, Enterprise. You work on the best ship in the fleet. Don’t let that get you down.”

You nod at yourself, repeating the phrase. “Don’t let that get you down.”

“That” is your Captain, your friend, James T. Kirk, Jim, the man with the blue eyes.

“That” is the fact that you love him, ever since you laid eyes on the blue sky and fell in love with its color.

“That” is the fact that you’re too afraid to tell him.

“That” is the half-hearted decision to not act on it, because whenever you think of it, your fingers tremble, your heart aches and cold sweat drips down your back.

Fear is a monster. 

-

“Hey,” Jim leans against your desk when you turn up for work.

“Morning,” you greet him with a smile, “I didn’t see you in the mess hall.”

“I wasn’t there. Came here right after I woke up.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Are we still up for drinks tonight?”

“I don’t have other plans,” you tell him before logging into your PADD to access the data Spock asked you to look over.

He laughs and it sounds forced. You keep your eyes averted, not looking at him.

“And you’re just hanging out with me because you have nothing better to do?”

“That’s not true and you know it.”

“Do I? The only thing I know is that Franklin from Communications asked you out yesterday. Uhura told me because she thought we were in a relationship.”

“So?”

“Did you say yes to Franklin?”

“No.” You really want to look at him, but his eyes are too blue for your own good.

“Why not?”

And there it happens. Your fingers tremble, your heart aches and you wait for the cold sweat.

“Don’t ask me that,” you whisper, your voice almost inaudible.

He leans down, his lips almost touching your ear.

“You were red, and you liked me because I was blue. But you touched me, and suddenly I was a lilac sky. Then you decided purple just wasn’t for you…” He quotes your favorite song before turning away. 

You know what he’s asking you, telling you, begging you. 

“Jim,” you call after him.

Your voice sounds weak, but he turns around anyway, an expectant look on his face.

You lick your lips, panic flowing through you. If only you weren’t so scared.

“I do like purple,” you tell him, unable to voice the feelings that you have. You can only do it this way.

“I love purple,” you tell him, hoping he will understand.

And when he smiles, his eyes light up.

“I love you,” you breathe out.

And everything is blue.

-


End file.
